Ethics & Spirit Work Part 1: Consent

Consent is, I would say, the foundation for the majority, if not all, ethical issues in spirit work. Frankly speaking, consent is incredibly complicated in spirit work, more so than it is in the physical world (and that is saying something). I will not be able to cover every issue of consent that may come up in spirit work. I honestly don’t think that would even be possible. Expect some broad strokes as a result. I am also going to try to keep this post written from the perspective of a human spirit worker in various situations. Some issues that are based in consent and permissions will have there own posts later down the line. Part 2 is one such post and will be dealing specifically with permissions and boundaries such as interacting with realms and spirits that other spirit workers interact with that are more niche or explicitly private to that worker’s practice.

When are you giving consent? 

It is not always clear when you are giving consent in spirit work. Not everything is going to operate by having you sign a contract or even tell you the details of what you are giving your consent to do.

A classic example of this is the Fae. The Fae often work on a system of favors. Owing a favor can be viewed as something unbreakable, that you are absolutely held to. However, it is very easy to accidentally get into a situation where you owe Fae favors. Saying something as simple as “thank you” can demonstrate to them that you would like to repay them for their help via a favor. The Fae also tend to be very aware of their cultural concept of favors and know how to use humans’ tendency  to be grateful, which  can often times be a habitual response more than anything else, to put humans in this position.

The Fae, therefore, are the textbook example of how consent is not always clearly worded but is still binding.  In other cases, even something as simple as not clearly refusing something can be viewed as giving consent by certain spirits.

Folklore and mythology are good starting points to understand how a spirit will approach wording. Obviously though, not every spirit is going to be in mythology. Therefore, as a general rule, neutral wording and clear intentions are a good idea. That doesn’t mean that you can never show spirits gratitude, but rather that you should be transparent with them about how you will show it and what your gratitude means. You should also assume that your wording in conversations may be used against you and plan accordingly.

Conditional and Temporary Consent

Spirit work can be a very situational practice. Spirit workers tend to meet and interact with a wide variety of spirits. These encounters can be frequent, seasonal, or even just one time affairs. Frequently changing conditions in the astral itself, political situations and alliances, and the company that the spirit worker is with can all affect whether or not a spirit will give consent in any given situation.

Universal consent is not something that is frequently given in spirit work. Spirits often have conditions that need to be met in order to agree to work with someone. These can vary in both complexity and transparency. Here are a few examples of conditional consent in spirit work.

1) Your friend, who is also a spirit worker, introduces you to a spirit that they have a partnership/agreement with. The spirit, because they are with your friend, agrees to work with you as an extension of their partnership with your friend. You would not be interacting with this spirit had your friend not acted as a middleman. You do not interact with this spirit unless your friend is around and if you do ask for the spirit’s help on your own, you get no response from them. This is an example of conditional consent. Here the friend is the condition because they are giving consent as well as their spirit partner. The spirit is primarily concerned with the partnership they have with your friend and working with you was doing something for the friend rather than just for you. This is a very common situation in spirit work, yet many people do not understand this boundary.

2) A few months ago you worked with a race of spirits. They allowed you to come to their realm and learn from their healers. You visited their realm rather frequently for a few weeks but your mundane life became very busy and you haven’t visited that realm in about two months. Last month however, you made a contract with another race of spirits. You feel a strong connection to them and were invited to become an honorary member of their society. You accepted and went through a small ritual. There is now a marking on your astral form’s hand indicating that you are a member. Later that week you decide to go back and learn from the healers. You are stopped before you can enter the realm’s city. They tell you that because of your alliance with the other society, that you are no longer welcome to learn this society’s techniques. This is a very simplified version of how alliances can affect consent. Alliances are not limited to being on opposing sides of a war. You might not even be aware of a conflict or contention existing. Ultimately though, especially in cases of learning something valuable and unique to a society, you need to respect their wishes regarding your access to the society.

3) You are in a difficult situation. None of your normal techniques or spirits you work with are able to help and you have become desperate to take care of this problem. You read in passing about a spirit that you think can help you. Not wanting to risk being rejected at this point, you prepare a very elaborate offering and evocation of the spirit.The spirit comes and helps you and then leaves without a second word. You were amazed by how effortlessly the spirit took care of the problem. You try to contact them again with less of an offering and do not get a response. You try again with a grander offering. The spirit appears and said that it only helped you the first time because it was bored and your offering looked appealing. However, if you want its help in the future it will demand an intense commitment from you, akin to strict worship otherwise it has no interest in you. This is an example of consent being in the form of self interest, consent being a one time deal, and consent being used to set up a much larger deal between the spirit and the human that may not have the best intentions.

These were only a few of many, many different situations a spirit worker can find themself in regarding consent. Conditions apply to nearly every agreement that is made in spirit work. Understanding what the conditions are, if you are able to know, helps you understand why spirits hold certain positions as well as how your own actions as a spirit work can affect spirits. Our actions do not exist in a vacuum and neither do the actions of spirits. We need to be aware of these ever changing conditions and be able to think critically about consequences. We also have conditions to our own consent and need to make sure that they are demonstrated.

Oaths, Bindings, and Promises

The last issue that I would like to touch on are serious promises made to spirits, occasionally known as oaths. I am talking about situations where a spirit worker has become bound in some way to a spirit, either through a promise or an oath that has now created a contractual binding between the two individuals.

Possibly the worst way (and also the easiest way) that a spirit worker may become bound to a spirit comes from language (similar to what happens with the Fae). The phrases will likely sound familiar: “I will do anything so long as…” “I don’t care what you want just do…” “Whatever I need to do for this I will, please…” Phrases like this normally come from moments of desperation. However, spirits might not always care about how your emotional state is affecting your vocabulary. To many of the types of spirits that look to make deals with people in desperate situations, anything means everything. They will take you at your word to give them whatever they want to help you and spirits can have long memories and creative minds. Your consent can very easily be manipulated and place you in a terrible situation that may be none to easy to get out of. Bindings like these are none too easy to get out of either and often take significant negotiation, banishing and magical work to break the binding, or making a deal with someone else to get rid of the first deal to remove them.

Oaths are another situation where consent becomes rather binding. Oaths are a much more conscious effort (usually) than the “anything promise” discussed above. Oaths also traditionally fall in the realm of deities and other deity-like beings who, even if not explicitly religious, spirit workers have a decent chance of rubbing shoulders with at some point in their practice. Oaths are much more contractual and ritualistic promises. (Worth noting again that I am painting broad strokes from my own experience) Oaths are something that need to be well researched and well thought out. They aren’t something that are intended to be broken or even have an explicit “out” if things go south (usually). They also have a good chance of not expiring, even after the spirit worker dies. Thus, it is best to take extreme care when considering an oath that has been offered or even collaborated on. It is a situation where your consent is tying you to another being in a very intimate way. Although this is only a very, very brief discussion of oaths, it is a reminder of how serious a situation we can willingly put ourselves in by giving consent.

In Summary

Consent is rather hard thing to pin down in spirit work. You might not be aware that you are giving your consent in a way that may bring about some hefty consequences. The conditions behind spirits giving you their consent might not always be obvious. There are ways that your consent can tie you to other beings.

In terms of ethics, awareness is the best policy when it comes to consent. This is in regards to both what you are asking of spirits and what they are asking of you. You also need to be able to respect the choice that spirits have to revoke their consent as well as your own choice to walk away from situations and not consent to things. Everything is going to be case by case. Consent is not that hard of a subject to grasp. However, the lessons established through consent based issues are the foundation for much more complex ethical situations that arise in spirit work.


Mentoring Young Spirit Workers

I’m going to start off by saying that I am by no means a master of spirit work. I am no elder, sage, or grand high poo-bah of the astral. I’m just a gal that’s getting close to doing spirit work for five years now and has made some observations about how to work with people just getting into this stuff. I’m also just as set in my ways as most other spirit workers are. This post is mainly in reference to knowing people face-to-face rather than over the internet.

Compared to other “woo” subjects, spirit work doesn’t really have a place in the public eye. Witchcraft is pretty well known in pop culture and a lot of people are aware that their are people that practice in real life, even if they aren’t sure what that practice entails. Mediums are also pretty well known in the public eye, but the majority of people think they are just scammers. Spirit work though, as in someone going to the astral and working with spirits that aren’t human or animal? That is something that is not nearly as common in the public eye. People might think of some “Ancient Native American Wisdom” (man, that was painful to write) but that is not a guarantee. What I am getting at is that if you are brand new to spirit work, especially if you don’t have any experience in other woo areas, you really don’t have a frame of reference for what’s going on around you.

So it makes sense that brand new spirit workers can be very excited when they meet someone that is more experienced than they are. I know I was super excited when I found the blog of someone that had been doing this for a few years. They introduced me to the term spirit work and helped me understand that what I was experiencing was something that others were too. It also let me know about some of risks and safety measures that I wasn’t even aware.

The question for me now though, is what do I do now that I am the experienced person and a new person is coming to me for advice? For me, the answer has been to be very general and ultimately try to get the person to do their own thing. Spirit work has a so much variety that really I can only speak in generalizations. The person will ultimately need to find out on their own how they best work with spirits and what kind of spirits they connect with. I can warn them to be cautious and to use discernment, but holding their hand is only going to make me a helicopter parent that refuses to let their kids learn things on their own. I can also teach them basic safety measures that they can modify themselves. I can also point them in the direction of good resources and warn them about bad ones. But other than some basic ground rules, etiquette, methods, and reading lists, I can’t do much more for a new person. I am one of those people that believes that you need to learn some lessons the hard way and sometimes you need to screw up so that you can learn from it.

I’m not saying that I am going to completely abandon a new spirit worker. If they have questions, I will answer them. (That is unless the person is excessive about their questions and is asking me for help for every single step of the way.) Something also worth noting is that spirit work can come in stages. Much of my work is currently done on the astral. That is the main way that I interact with spirits these days. I am not going to throw a new person into the astral just because that is what I am used to. I’m also someone that pushes working with spirit guides because they know what you need a lot better than I do.

One final note that I will make about this is about the mentor. Spirit work really doesn’t have a high retention rate in my experience. The amount of people that commit and make it to the two year or even one year mark is probably only around ten percent. While that can be for various reasons, I really don’t want to invest a ton of time and effort into someone that might not even continue down this path. I have also had quite a few people who have had either really bad egos or wanted to be seen as special to get attention. Me being vague protects my spirits and myself. I’m not going to deal with drama or egos when I have my own practice to get on with. The hands off approach tends to keep the people that really do want to practice spirit work  going and finding out about themselves, while also not feeding egos or feeding the people that just want attention.

That’s been my experience thus far with mentoring young spirit workers, or just being the more experienced person at the table. My opinion on all of this might change in the coming years, it might not. Ultimately I think that letting people find their own path with spirit work is the best course of action. I give them some basic tools and advice and have them figure out the rest. I am there if they need me, but I am not going to make students that end up looking just like their teacher.